'Come on Kaevon, get up, you can do it! Sit up. Now place one foot on the floor and now the the next. DO NOT let your triggers win today!' This is me speaking to myself on Thanksgiving morning and again on Christmas morning.
A couple of weeks ago, I was speaking to a co-worker about how hard the holidays are for some. Especially those, like myself, who are suffering from depression and/or loss. She went on to share with me about her brother who tried to commit suicide because the holidays were too hard for him.
‘64% of people with mental illness report holidays make their condition worse’ reported in an article by the National alliance in Mental Health. (Click the link below to read the full article)
I know this to be so true as I have lived with this for the past 7 years! As stated in the article also it is generally supposed to be the happiest time of year for most. But for me and others who has suffered loss or suffer from depression it exacerbates those feelings.
Today, I just want to report that God is always amazing! Because in my case, he placed me in a family and in a circle of friends that pay attention. They are fully aware of my holiday triggers and blues. They tag team on how to help me get through and I am forever grateful for each of you!
So what did I do? Because it has to start with me no matter how much they try I have to do the work! They can lead me to the water but I have to drink it!
Below are my tips to myself that helped me survive.
I had to be intentional. What does that mean? Unlike how I used to think about the holidays (which was so much fun for me in my past), I had to make plans. I knew I would be alone so I made a plan. Thanksgiving God covered it because my nephew decided he wanted to have a Thanksgiving dinner at Mom’s so that one was easier this year. 😊 However, for Christmas I told myself you will cook dinner for yourself (which if you know me you know I hate to cook and wash dishes! 😂) I went grocery shopping and cooked) I also told my sister I was going to go to the beach with her, which was me making sure I had an accountability partner) But most of all on Christmas morning, as I stated above, I had to sit up in the bed, pray, and place both feet on the floor. That is the hardest part! But then I took a shower, put on clothes and decided to look cute! I was so intentional this year that I even had to drive 40 minutes one way (1 hour and 20 minutes round-trip) to get to the beach and once again if you know me you know I hate driving too! Lol
I had to tell myself it was okay to try something new and different. I have to stop wishing the old stuff will happen again! I am not that person. Learn and Live. Make new memories and new traditions. Besides I am an empty nester now! So what better way than to go enjoy the beautiful beach. By the way, the beach always seems to show me that there is a God! The beauty and peace is amazing and can always mend whatever I am going through.
Stay busy. I worked a seasonal job that had me so busy between that job and my regular job that I was too tired to be depressed! Lol
Always remember that someone has it worse than me! Especially with the pandemic going on. I had to keep that in my mind. Every time I thought that I had it bad I met someone who had it worse than me.
These 4 items above worked for me in addition to the list below of contributions from my Fabulous support team! I just LOVE them!
My mom blowing my phone up with scriptures
My sister giving me a singing wake up call on Christmas morning, along with other sneaky, big sister things she did that I won’t name.
My daughter, from Spain, challenging me in a cook off of the best Christmas dinner for us and our guest! She said her 3 guest were her, herself and I - so I had the same 3! Lol. Oh and then she didn’t finish cooking her whole meal until the day after! I think she set me up but it worked!
My Bestie and her Christmas Eve virtual happy hour even though she had to get up and work at 5 am Christmas morning to work! (Plus her way of making sure I was going to survive Christmas Day)
And the many others who texted me on Christmas to make sure I was not in bed and had to see proof of life pictures to prove that I was keeping my end of the bargain!
All of the above is good for me know. However, I also can tell the old me, the me of the past 6 years to be patient. It has been a steady process and I had to tell myself that it was okay to feel the way I did. When I was ready I would move to the next phase of surviving the holidays!
Next step is getting back to enjoying the holidays. So next year my challenge to Me is to look forward to what’s coming. Look forward to what new traditions I will make for all future holidays!
Friends and Family of those going through, please be patient with us. I know we get on your ever lasting nerves and we may be killing your holiday vibes. Try to remember the family member or friend you used to love being around at the holidays and love us back to that person. Keep trying. A text, call, unexpected knock on our door, and make plans with us. Even if the plans are making us adopt a family in need or feeding the homeless. Sometimes it helps for us to actually see someone who is worse off than we think we are. If we agree, hold us gently accountable!
It’s a team thing! You need us as much as we need you!
With Love as always,
